friends and other liabilities
We’ve all been there. Your travel itinerary says that you’re in Stockholm about to get on a plane to Berlin. Your brother sends you a message from home wishing you a safe flight. However, in reality, you’re actually just waking up in Cairo spooning a Guinea Pig and wondering why there is a bloodied tattoo of last night’s taxi driver straddling a unicorn on your chest...
Even the best laid travel plans can go awry once you pull on a backpack and walk through the departure gates at the airport. But the last thing you need when things get complicated on the road is the wrong travel companion by your side– the type who cannot stop complaining about the lack of Wi-Fi coverage in outer suburban Egypt as you sit wondering how much laser surgery will be needed to get the inked abomination off your torso.
But which friends should you never hit the road with? Here’s five personality types that I’d suggest are better left at home:
The friend who believes anything anyone tells them
Gullible friends can be a liability on the road. They’re the ones handing over wads of cash for a phallic sculpture that was apparently hand-carved by ancient monks from a far off mystical mountain range, but that can actually be bought off an adult site on the internet for twenty dollars including shipping fee. While friends who take you on your word do have their advantages, these are also the people most likely to enter into conversation with a stranger in a nightclub toilet at 5am and think that acting as a personal cross-country courier on your next plane ride seems like a compelling business opportunity.
The self-proclaimed foodie
Sometimes on the road, getting a meal that doesn’t incinerate tastebuds or leave you best friends with a toilet bowl following forty-eight hours can be difficult. But while most travellers try to steer clear of some of the more questionable menu items encountered overseas, navigating a dinner your mate who tells everyone that they are ‘a bit of a foodie’ can be a challenge in itself. When you’re faced with a plate of food that looks like something you kept as a pet when you were eight years old, the last thing you need is a friend lecturing you about the protein content of something that looks like it should be fed lettuce by hand, rather than served on a bed of it.
The online over-sharer
A danger to themselves and anyone within five feet when brandishing a selfie stick, the online over-sharer will keep everyone back home updated with your movements. Every minute. Of every day. While your family back home may appreciate being kept in the loop, socially addicted friends are high maintenance and can also turn something like a simple summer bike ride through Paris into an online discussion about their skinny jean chaffing, soon seeing #unsightlyrash trend across two continents.
The early riser
Easily identified by their ability to be impossibly cheery standing in the rain at 5am by the roadside waiting for a cross-country bus to arrive, your friend ‘the morning person’ is no doubt helpful for any logistical challenges that occur prior to midday. However, their unwavering desire for conversation prior to the day’s first coffee and uncanny ability to never be hungover is a constant reminder that you’re probably not in the best shape. And do you really need that?
The adrenaline junkie
A travel insurance agent’s worst nightmare, your adrenaline addicted friend may be an amusing encyclopaedia of closely run, near death adventures at home, but they are also the same person likely to try and convince you to step untrained into a Muay Thai kick boxing ring in Phuket after a few beers to face a skinny local, who in fact could break your leg with the twitch of his eyebrow. Last seen launching themselves off the side of a mountain with something akin to a giant pillow case strapped to their backs, the adrenaline addict is a risk to themselves and all they travel with.
Travelling amplifies people’s personalities, and while at home that friend who meticulously studies the bar tab to look for any hint of overcharging may seem like a sensible choice to hit the road with, their overly aggressive accounting might quickly lead to you wanting to stuff their mouth with a sock of coins. So choose your travel companions wisely!
